Being an introvert I know I need my alone time. Since COVID I have become more introverted, if that is possible. Anyone else feel the same thing? So when the question of is protecting our time selfish I thought no right off.
Then diving deeper I wondered where this was coming from. We are busy at work, home, sleeping, sports, volunteering, and other commitments. What people seem to struggle with is creative time. Time just for us. People often feel selfish booking blocks of time off for them. To create (write, paint, draw, sculpt – you fill in the blank). Friends and family seem to get you play on a sports team or volunteer Wednesday evenings. They are committed times. But creative times? You are spending the afternoon alone? Well, you are basically free. Hmmm……..
As an introvert I know to be on I have to be off. I don’t think it is selfish to take time for us (yes alone time). We shouldn’t have to play a sport or volunteer for our time to be considered committed. An evening alone creating at home is a commitment. I am at the point now where I’m not explaining if I am not free Tuesday evening. Just that doesn’t work for me. If questioned “I have another commitment”. Full stop.
So if people see alone time as selfish,. we need to have an honest conversation about what selfish is. As it works both ways. Someone having their needs meet all the time and not meeting yours – well is that a friendship? When I’m connecting with people I want to be 100% engaged. I can’t be engaged if I am coming empty. If I haven’t filled my tank first to be of service to others. That might mean I have to be what other consider “selfish” (which I don’t).
Permission here to fill your tank. If you need time alone take it. Schedule it in. No explanations required. We are not selfish for creating space to feed our souls. Protected time is needed. Don’t apologize. Maybe ask “you do want me to be happy? Put myself as a priority once in a while?” See where that leads.
The Messiness of Living 